Working, walking, worrying

The last few months have been a perfect storm of accomplishments and anxiety. But first, here’s a photo I took a couple of weeks ago while out on a walk. I think it’s one of my favorites.

A photograph of white flowers wilting in the morning light of an early autumn day.

One of the things I love about where I live is that my sunrise walks always turn up something beautiful to behold. Whether that’s deer frolicking, bunnies bouncing, or flowers flowering–there’s always something. In this case, it was a cluster of flowers slowly succumbing to the chill which has crept into the air since autumn’s arrival.

And because I’ve been doing an obscene amount of walking lately, I’ve had front-row seat to the seasonal changing of the guard. Birds have begun to migrate, leaves are starting to change, and I’ve had to don my hooded sweatshirt for most of my early walks.

Before, I was surrounded by mostly pine trees, so I’m very excited by the slow recoloring of the deciduous trees that fill the bulk of my new stomping grounds.

As for the walks themselves, I’m doing between five and nine miles day, though not at once. I mostly take short walks of a mile or two at a time, especially when I need a mental break from my work or worries.

And I’ve had plenty of both.

On the work front, I can now talk freely about that Big Thing I’ve been working on. A friend of mine and I have launched what we might as well call an “online magazine,” dedicated to all things “weird and wonderful.” We explore the history, tools, habits, beliefs, and ways of living embraced by others–with a particular focus on those which are outside of today’s “mainstream,” for lack of a better word.

It’s called Adair & Clough, since those are our names and it sounds delightfully professional and pompous. We have weekly horoscopes, an advice column, and articles which serve to introduce people to “strange” ideas like scrying, cartomancy, and thinking critically about how we choose to live. It’s not exactly a “how to magic” site, but it is a “how to think with different thoughts” site.

We also have a podcast, naturally, and the first episode of that will be dropping on Wednesday, October 11th.

I already spent a great deal of time whining to my friends and social media accounts about how much time and energy it took to get this project out the door, so I won’t repeat myself here. Instead, I’ll just say that I’m rather happy with how it’s turned out, and I’m looking forward to what we’ll be doing with it.

There’s worry in there, too, though.

Yes, I mean all the usual worries about investing so much of myself in a project with no guaranteed return, but this time of year gives me many other sources of anxiety.

Last year, I mentioned that autumn didn’t tend to do my family any favors. Now that I’m living an hour and a half away from my family, it’s not just the morning air bringing me chills. Every apparent sign is more or less positive, but there’s always that nagging doubt because our fortunes often change right along with the leaves, and rarely for the better.

I’m trying to stay positive, though.

Despite all of my working and worrying, I woke up the other day in an incredibly-good mood, filled with profound gratitude for the life I’ve managed to carve out for myself. I spend my days studying, writing, and enjoying the outside. I spend my evenings listening to classical music and audiobooks while I relax and knit.

Most days, that’s more than enough.

Still, I think I’ll feel a lot better once winter rolls around.

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